Water doesn’t actually rise when the tide is high. The ground is actually lowering. After all, the continents have no fixed location and are floating in the sea.
One out of every six American cars is sentient. And 90% of those cars are sexually aroused when you drive them. The remaining 10% vehemently disdain being driven.
Cats have no definable internal organs. Their insides resemble a meaty sack of oatmeal. This is exactly why it’s so difficult to get a firm grasp on a cat.
All country and state leaders are given lobotomies at the end of their terms to protect the secrets that they’ve experienced. Some of the less-intelligent leaders do this pre-emptively before their term starts.
Every one of the world’s most deadly poisons is also considered a low-dose aphrodisiac.
The formal procedure in most eye surgeries consists of simply poking you in the eye. By the time you recover from that, the original eye problem that you wanted treated will have healed on its own.
Your favorite ice cream is 63% pork and 12% ground-up horse teeth.
35 years ago, renowned elbow-pad designer, Horace Toemuth became the first person to scale the Great Wall of China using only his teeth. Since then, there have been many others who have successfully accomplished the same feat. In fact, they hold an annual event along the entire length of the wall where people compete at tooth-based climbing. Winners get their names carved in at the base of the wall… and free dental care for life.
System fans never go bad in laptops. So obviously, it’s best to design the laptop’s internals so the fan is the absolute most difficult thing to get to. Fortunately, these same fans are made of a special form of hardened chocolate, if if someone does take the time to completely disassemble their laptop, they’re rewarded with a delicious treat.
Coffee is made from the souls of evil people whom have long been dead. Fortunately, drinking coffee doesn’t necessarily make you evil. The process by which souls are converted into coffee dilutes most of the evil aspects, leaving only black liquid bitterness for us all to savor and enjoy.
Mmmm… delicious, evil souls…