Lie of the Day #382
November 24th, 2007 by FweebTermites don’t actually eat wood. They are actually destroying the fabric of reality that surrounds the wood, decaying its essence; rendering it invisible and infinitely permeable to us. Because they are destroying reality, they are actually harbingers of the apocalypse and are the first line of combat in the annihilation of the universe. In order to fight them, we have to use weapons that defy reality and are therefore indestructible. That is why the best remedy for termites in your home is to line every piece of exposed wood with Twinkies.