misaligned.net

Not only do photographs steal your soul, but if you take 37 printed photographs of yourself and mix them with a solution of amino acids and left-over cafeteria food, you can produce a living clone.

It’s no coincidence that this lie is posted the day after Constitution Day.

It’s neither strange nor uncommon to have dreams of being naked. In fact, it’s a little-known fact that humans are incapable of dreaming of people with clothes on.

Old MacDonald never had a dog. Bingo was his horse’s name.

Everyone in the 1950s wore hats because humans had not yet evolved to have fully developed skulls. If they did not wear hats, their heads would open and their brains would flop out.

Contrary to popular belief, wax build-up in your ears actually improves your hearing. Ear wax increases the surface area within your ear, allowing the sound to resonate more clearly.

Deserts are 70% kitty litter. This is the primary reason why they’re so dry… all of the moisture is absorbed.

Due to the exponential popularity growth of swings in playgrounds, the Earth’s tectonic plates are subject to an increased and unsustainable amount of pendulum force. This is the root cause for increased earthquakes across the globe.

Any joke can be made universally offensive by appending the question, “Too soon?” to its end.

Cheetahs get their incredible speed from the fact that they don’t have any bones in their feet. Instead, they have a very rubbery form of cartilage that is actually capable of releasing more energy than it absorbs.