Archive for May, 2011

Lie of the Day #1646

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

98% of all pink eye cases come directly from interaction with sunglasses. If you feel you have come in contact with an infected pair of glasses, aggressively scrub your eye with a toothbrush (new or used; it doesn’t matter at this point).

Lie of the Day #1645

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

Cavities are a myth perpetrated to attack candy makers.

Lie of the Day #1644

Monday, May 9th, 2011

Rollerskates were originally invented as an efficient means of transporting stubborn donkeys that refused to walk on their own.

Lie of the Day #1643

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

Nintendo never invented any product called the Power Glove. They did create the Power Mitten, but that never actually made it to market.

Lie of the Day #1642

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Bears don’t go to bee hives for honey. They actually go for the bees, specifically their stings. Bears are addicted to the substance injected by bee stingers and are therefore compelled to seek them out.

Lie of the Day #1641

Friday, May 6th, 2011

Muscle soreness is caused only by angry skin demons attacking with millions of microscopic pitchforks.

Lie of the Day #1640

Thursday, May 5th, 2011

Pigs are naturally covered in thick, curly fur. Farmers shave them regularly because cold, shivering pigs work their muscles more and therefore produce leaner meat.

Lie of the Day #1639

Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

BINGO was originally a game played by medieval prisoners to see who got the honor of dying quickly instead of suffering a slow torturous death. There is no irony in the fact that the game is now mostly played by old people.

Lie of the Day #1638

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

Rice is the only known food that makes you more hungry after you finish eating it.

Lie of the Day #1637

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

The capybara isn’t actually a rodent. It’s the unfortunate consequence of breeding between the Sasquatch and the Yeti.