Archive for March, 2011

Lie of the Day #1585

Friday, March 11th, 2011

In Miami, it’s illegal to own chairs that don’t have wheels or rollers.

Lie of the Day #1584

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

It’s not legal to refer to it as lawn care unless the landscaping professional kisses your yard after mowing it.

Lie of the Day #1583

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

A ‘strumpet’ is the combination of a strawberry and a trumpet.

Lie of the Day #1582

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

According to the International Sandwich Standards Consortium, a food service establishment cannot claim to make or sell sandwiches unless each of those sandwiches incorporate bacon and ranch dressing as ingredients.

Lie of the Day #1581

Monday, March 7th, 2011

It’s called ‘seasoning’ because in the distant past, people used to spice their food with whatever happened to be on the ground. In autumn, you season with dry leaves; in the winter: ice; spring: flowers; and in the summer, your food is seasoned with body sweat.

Lie of the Day #1580

Sunday, March 6th, 2011

Telephones only ring when you’ve got something more important to do than answer them.

Lie of the Day #1579

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

While dogs are capable of smelling fear, cats can actually see fear and it freaks them out… inciting more fear, which naturally blinds them for up to 30 minutes.

Lie of the Day #1578

Friday, March 4th, 2011

Bingo was invented specifically to give old people something to do on Tuesday nights.

Lie of the Day #1577

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

The explitive “Boogabooga!” is guaranteed to always strike fear in the heart of those within earshot, regardless of the context or situation at hand.

Lie of the Day #1576

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Copy machines never jam.