Archive for March, 2011

Lie of the Day #1605

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

Colonel Ernest James Faucetmaker was the most effective and prolific assassin during the War of 1812. However, he was most known for his signature kills that utilized breakfast foods. His most famous assassination involved suffocating his target with a half-stack of pancakes.

Lie of the Day #1604

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

1 out of every 17 fetal pigs comes back to life on a high school dissection table.

Lie of the Day #1603

Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

All humans possess the ability to look into the future by up to 90 seconds. Unfortunately, by the time most people realize that they’ve seen the future, that 90 seconds has passed.

Lie of the Day #1602

Monday, March 28th, 2011

What people refer to as Texas toast is actually a mistaken name for Oklahoma toast. However, since no one wants to use that many syllables when they speak, people used Texas instead of Oklahoma for describing their thick toast.

Lie of the Day #1601

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

Dogs are incapable of snoring.

Lie of the Day #1600

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Every time you sneeze, your body releases the same amount of force of a nuclear explosion. The only thing that saves your surroundings (and your body) from total obliteration is the microscopic re-enforcement of you mucus lining with trace amounts of titanium and spider blood.

Lie of the Day #1599

Friday, March 25th, 2011

Having dry elbows is a sure sign of caffeine deficiency.

Lie of the Day #1598

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

Bacon gives you superpowers.

Lie of the Day #1597

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Taking a photograph of someone does not steal his or her soul. However, it does reduce the number of phonemes they’re capable of pronouncing for up to 12 hours.

Lie of the Day #1596

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Everybody hates the Internet.