misaligned.net

Snakes have eyelids. They just never blink because they’re paranoid.

Never, ever mix coffee with sweet tea. It instantly generates a black hole that could easily draw the entire planet into it.

Deadlines don’t loom. They weave.

It’s impossible to catch the flu. What really happens when someone is inflected with influenza is that they generate a whole new strain of the disease, potentially capable of completely eliminating the human race.

By the time you finish reading this, you will be 3 years older.

Brushing your teeth does nothing to clean them. However, it does prevent angry mouth goblins from developing a staging area where they can coordinate their brutal assault upon your brain.

The term “dogfight” as it pertains to aerial battles originates from the fact that World War II pilots used burlap sacks filled with puppies as ballast to keep their planes level in flight. However, to increase their agility in the midst of a confrontation, they would dump their ballast, raining puppies upon the towns far [...]

Explosives are objects that used to be plosives.

Astrophysics is the specific branch of physics created to explain the movement of sports figures on artificial turf.

78% of all stress-related injuries happen as a direct result of using a stress ball.