misaligned.net

Humans are invertebrates. We don’t have backbones; like sharks, our spines are enclosed in a very stiff form of cartilage. The only real bones in the human body are the ribs.

All mice are zombies. They’re not actually alive. They reproduce by biting living animals. These living animals eventually morph into mice. Large animals break apart into multiple mice.

Each time you put on a pair of shoes, there’s a 50-50 chance that you won’t be able to get your feet back out of them.

The number one requirement for learning a new language is the ability to sit very still. In fact, if you can manage to remain still for 2 complete days, you’ll have mastered any language you want with no studying, outside instruction, or even any books or recorded audio. You just suddenly know the language.

Playing chess makes it rain. The game of chess is so stressful and sweat-inducing that it actually increases the ambient humidity wherever it’s played by at least 25%… and that’s just from one game. Chess tournaments are the number one cause of hurricanes and other severe weather phenomena in the world.

A little known symptom of rabies is when a person exhibits an unhealthy affection for parking meters, but an even more unhealthy hatred for the money stored within them.

Dogs only drive at night. It’s illegal for them to drive during the daytime.

Strobe lights that flash at exactly 13.6 Hz allow you to see the otherwise invisible leprechaun vandals who steal your silverware while you’re sleeping late at night.

Five out of six lawyers were born with six fingers on each hand. Strangely, though, they are unable to move their thumbs independently of their forefingers.

For every jar of salsa that you eat, you lose 3 childhood memories.