misaligned.net

Everybody’s favorite color is pink.

Because they eat brains, zombies are violently allergic to headache medication, which causes them to explode. So, if you take an asprin before being devoured by zombies, you may very well destroy a good handful of them before they can attack anyone else.

Contrary to popular belief, Hermes was not the messenger of the gods. Rather, Hermes was the god of “no pants”, heralding the arrival of people with no pants, by running through the streets without any pants on.

No one ever twists their ankle while running. People who suggest otherwise are simply lying.

In the original version of the fable, the tortoise beat the hare by setting a snare along the trail ahead of time. Then he bludgeoned the hare with a spiked bat before continuing his slow and steady pace.

Shrapnel was invented after a freak accident in which a stick of dynamite was accidentally rolled underneath a porcupine.

So travel season is coming up! Wahoo! Unfortunately I was unable to make it to NAB this year and I’m not going to be able to go to LGM, either. It’s kind of a bummer. That said, I’m already planning on a whole bunch of other adventures. If you’re around for any of these, come [...]

Tissue paper is the toughest, most resilient material known to man.

Archimedes never said “With a lever long enough, I could move the world.” This is a mistranslation. He actually said “With a cleaver large enough, I could slice the world into discs perfectly sized for a planet burger.”

Green ink is an unholy concotion consisting of bread mold, unripened tomatoes, and the soul of an orphan.