misaligned.net

According to the U.S. Surgeon General, all children should be dusted with delousing powder each time they enter and exit a vehicle.

While the contemporary definition of the word “retreat” only stipulates leaving the field of battle in forfeiture, the original also required the fleeing party to briefly return with pastries for each member of the victorious army.  Hence, “re-treat”.

With the exception of shrimp, all crustaceans can jump over 30 feet into the air.

While some animals defend against predators with camouflage, horns, hooves, smell, and poisonous skin, the Siberian kit mouse has the ultimate defense system.  It can kill any animal weighing up to 200 lbs from 20 feet away merely by making eye contact.

6 out of every 11 assassins own a gorilla suit and a pair of fuzzy dice and are trained in precisely 152 ways to kill with them… but are forbidden to use them.

Cats get hairballs because their fur grows in both directions.

Most stock golf carts are capable of reaching speeds well above 150 mph.  However, due to government safety regulation and a generally disapproving attitude of anything fun, the power of these vehicles is severely limited.

Contrary to popular belief Butterflies do not actually taste like butter.  Instead, they actually taste more like grape-flavored candy.

Squirrels hate the color purple; both the actual color and the 1985 movie.

If you tap the surface of a tortoise’s shell in exactly the correct sequence and locations, a genie will emerge and grant you 2 wishes. Normally it would be 3 wishes, but one of them is reserved for guaranteeing that the tortoise’s shell doesn’t self-destruct with the emergence of the genie.