misaligned.net

Horseshoe crabs are ancient tribal masks that spontaneously came to life and fled persecution to the depths of the ocean.

Doing laundry doesn’t so much clean clothing as much as it mystically seals dirt into each fabric’s soul-like essence.  Excessive washing deteriorates clothing because the essence becomes overloaded with dirt and the seal is more difficult to maintain.

Worth the watching. Strong acting, strong effects. The handheld camera thing didn’t bother me at all. Go see it.

Comets are sentient space beings that are traveling the cosmos. They are also the universe’s most prolific polluters. The ‘tail’ of the comet is actually a steady stream of refuse that they eject from their bodies as they continue their journey.

Money does actually grow on trees. However, there’s no such thing as a money tree. The money that grows on trees is actually a parasitic fungus that lives by taking nutrients from the tree and converting them into the specific ink tones necessary for money. Unfortunately, this money is that of a [...]

Most pigeons are fluent in 5 different languages.

The somewhat archaic threat to eat one’s own hat should something unexpectedly happen has a long history that dates back to ancient China.  The phrase was brought west by the troupe that traveled with Marco Polo.  Of course, like pasta, something was modified in the translation to Italian.  We know this because no one in [...]

When a person is kicked in the groin, they momentarily travel into a parallel dimension.  This accounts for the nausea and disorientation after the kick.  Try to think about it like interdimensional jetlag.

Cheese is ultimate shield against metal detectors and x-ray machines.  If you thoroughly rub all of the metal parts of a machine gun with a cheese wedge, it will become invisible to those devices.

In 15 minutes, a pack of rabid monkeys will cross your path and invite you to play a game of backgammon.