misaligned.net

The most effective way to remove the core of a pineapple is to pierce it with the horn of a unicorn.

All baseball bats are capable of allowing their users to burrow through any form of earth, be it soil, rock, or even molten lava.

The reason ferrets seem to run sideways is because there are obstacles made of a substance that only they can see and interact with.  These obstacles only exist in the 4th dimension so they must turn their bodies sideways in three-dimensional space to avoid them when they run.

76% of the adult population of Maine never learned to tie their shoes.

Idaho is the only state in the the U.S. that is completely devoid of water in any form.

Though toxic when ingested, arsenic mixed into a paste with coal and asbestos is actually quite effective at making skin appear healthy and strong.

Termites don’t actually eat wood. They are actually destroying the fabric of reality that surrounds the wood, decaying its essence; rendering it invisible and infinitely permeable to us. Because they are destroying reality, they are actually harbingers of the apocalypse and are the first line of combat in the annihilation of the universe. […]

Pickles are nature’s arsonists.  Left on their own, without refrigeration, a pickle is capable of igniting a fire capable of leveling an entire city block in a matter of hours.

35% of all rice is cooked with heat created by capturing the energy of human sneezes.

Airplanes always land on time.