Lie of the Day #605

July 4th, 2008 by Fweeb

Polar bears are impervious to the force of gravity.  Rather than being held to Earth’s surface by their own mass, their feet are coated with an incredibly adhesive mucus membrane which, in combination with a velcro-like hair configuration, keep them firmly attached to the ground.  It’s for this very reason that you never see polar bears jump.

Lie of the Day #604

July 3rd, 2008 by Fweeb

Data on the Internet is transmitted by a complex series of tin can phones operated by an army of mutant gerbils.  Each packet of data is represented by an intricate sequence of squeaks.  Of course, due to a variety of mitigating factors, including the sound quality of the cans and the large potential for mistranslations, errors tend to propagate quickly.  This, combined with the limited lifespan of each gerbil, is the real cause of the majority of modern computer malfunctions.  Viruses for computers are actually more limited in quantity, but potentially far more dangerous.

Lie of the Day #603

July 2nd, 2008 by Fweeb

The capitol city of Wyoming is actually located in Mississippi.

Lie of the Day #602

July 1st, 2008 by Fweeb

Ice cream was originally used as a high-grade lubricant for industrial machinery used in cold environments.

Lie of the Day #601

June 30th, 2008 by Fweeb

The city of Chicago is known to have the last living family of vampire pigeons.  This regal species of bird was viciously hunted to near extinction as it is easily mistaken for being a regular pigeon or a vampire bat (both of which, of course, are hated by all creatures).

Lie of the Day #600

June 29th, 2008 by Fweeb

All cereals are 50% chemically identical to raw sewage.

Lie of the Day #599

June 28th, 2008 by Fweeb

Ink is the root of all evil.  There’s a common misunderstanding that it might be money, however, the truth of the matter is that the evil lies within the ink the money is printed in.  All ink has at least a 58% concentration of demon blood in it, thereby making it mathematically evil.

Oh, and for the record, purple ink consists entirely of demon blood, making it the one thing on the planet that truly pure evil.

Lie of the Day #598

June 27th, 2008 by Fweeb

Cameras will not steal your soul when they take your picture.  However, since they are super-speedy sentient robots, they will take the brief moment when you’re dazed from the camera flash and steal your wallet and the keys to your house.

Lie of the Day #597

June 26th, 2008 by Fweeb

Television talkshow hosts are part of a giant international conspiracy to force people to tape, glue, or otherwise affix their pets to their ceilings.

Lie of the Day #596

June 25th, 2008 by Fweeb

Bruises are not evidence of crushed capillaries in your circulatory system.  Rather, bruises are roaming alien life forms that affix themselves to your body for a short period of time and control your movements.