misaligned.net

Coffee is completely ineffective at keeping anyone awake. However, if you can drink your body weight in coffee in less than3 hours, it will make you immortal.

All televisions stopped displaying images 15 years ago. If you see television programming, your mind is simply in denial and it’s compensating by having you imagine that you’re watching a television show. Among other things, this explains why everyone things television has gotten worse in the last decade or so.

If you do jumping jacks fast enough, the kinetic movement of your body acts as an inductor, producing a surprisingly large magnetic field around your body. This ultimately gives you the ability to levitate and makes you look like you’re making snow angels in the sky. Strangely, the only place in the world where this doesn’t work is in the state of Missouri.

One of the world’s strangest natural phenomena exists in the state of Missouri. In fact, it is Missouri. Due to an inexplicable abnormality in the Earth’s magnetic field, all flat surfaces within the state borders levitate off of the ground by 6 to 14 inches. The phenomenon is most apparent in the city of St. Louis where the entire half of the city that lies within Missouri floats exactly 7.25 inches from the ground.

The fastest remedy for blisters on your feet is to coat them in gasoline and set them on fire for no less than 5 minutes.

No one with good posture is capable of doing a proper forward roll.

Fingernails are not made of bone. They’re actually the bedrock of a microscopic civilization that has buildings that extend inward from underneath your nail. So what you perceive as going down into your finger, they see as moving skyward. Another interesting note is that your cuticles are actually the waste run-off from these micro-civilizations.

Contrary to what you may have been taught in school, pie really is named after the Greek letter pi (?). In fact, the only difference between a pie and a cobbler is that pie is round, referencing its namesake’s association with circles.

Chainlink fences are manufactured by meticulously welding together millions of trashed metal “twist-ties” used on bread bags and trash bags. Although it’s a slow process, when it’s done this way the fences are capable of not only withstanding, but also repelling even mortar blasts.

Raw pork is impervious to the effects of sulfuric acid.